minoanmiss | Dear future historians

I apologize for not writing about current events. It's just that I don't feel I have Something To Say about any of it. Pretty much the only person who approves of Russia's invasion of Ukraine is Putin (besides a few moneymakers and a few ultra-nationalists) . War Bad, WWIII Worse, right? Making it illegal to tslk to kids about LGBTQ subjecrs or people is bigoted and terrible, thanks Florida lawmakers. Setting the already-overworked Texas CPS like attack dogs on trans kids and their parents is deeply evil in so many different ways, thanks Texas lawmakers and AG. And so on and so forth, the South is banning Critical Race Theory everywhere, hallelujah, amen.

Besides, my job is currently wringing the life out of me so I can't even pay attention to what I want to. I could barely talk to WD this weekend or TL yesterday and today because my brain just feels both empty and screaming. I am infinintely grateful for their patience and E's hugs. I just went through my whole Reading page and couldn't summon up comments to leave to nifty people whose lives I care about. When I did leave some comments earlier I completely failed to be helpful. I don't know if fandom still has a place for a girl like me whether or not I finish my Ridiculous Fan Novel (and if this is a real worry or a peripatetic brain chemicals vortex). I don't want to live to work but I haven't done much besides work lately and I really fucking resent it. I suppose that ties into current American workplace trends but really, it's just deeply annoying to live through.

I mean, it's extremely unlikely you'll read my journal anyway, out of thousands of millions. It's currently transcribed in patterns of electrons, a deeply unstable and epheremal medium. And [list of at least a half dozen people] could tell you I don't deserve to waste space with my useless thoughts anyway. But I write because that's who I am. At least I don't have to keep my memoirs in a basket of cuneiform tablets. Though that would be more likely to survive a fire than my external backup.

Maybe I am just way more bummed than I deserve to be, considering how comfortable my life is compared to so many people's, past and present. And so you can make another checkmark on 2020's American depression rates among various demographic groups. Maybe I will never complete another creative project, just keep draining away into this fucking job until I finally get fired and run out of money and prospects. Maybe.

But I just can't lie down and die, or stop thinking, or stop writing. So here I am. And if you read this, sometime in the far future, I guess it's time to turn the page.

Current Mood: blah

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

caitri

::cuddles soothingly::

From:

cellio

These times are hard in so many ways. {hugs}

Also, [list of at least a half dozen people] can sod off.

From:

amaebi

Can you cosset yourself a bit? It sounds as if you need it. More than most even now, I mean.

From:

corvidology

Take up all the fucking space you want, petal, you deserve it! ♥

From:

lilysea

And [list of at least a half dozen people] could tell you I don't deserve to waste space with my useless thoughts anyway

Those people are wrong!

those people are arseholes

and those people are probably

racist/biphobic/homophobic as well!

From:

pameladean

Those people should go way back and sit down. You get to have the feelings that you have and you deserve the space that you need.

P.

From:

acelightning73

*great big reassuring comforting hugs*
I have survived the Korean War, the Vietnam War, 9/11, Superstorm Sandy, cancer, heart failure, and a stroke. I'm pretty sure this ride ain't over yet. Don't curl up and blow away - I'd miss you terribly!

From:

ex_flameandsong751

-hugs-

From:

baranduin

Penny says those half dozen asswipes can fuck right off.

(Actually she has a lot more to say but she's in heat so is very voluble right now.)

From:

gwydion

Hang in there.

Remember, it's all right to take a break when you need to.

You can not save the world by yourself. Pace yourself, and remember, we need good things in our lives so we have the strength to keep fighting.

Bread and Roses.

From:

ironymaiden

You are not alone

From:

ellenmillion

Sending lots of love. You don't have to apologize for ANY of this.

From:

sonia

Gentle reminder that recovering from illness takes time and a toll on emotional resources...

From:

rachelkg

I love you, dear heart. I hope you get some chances to rest this week, and that next week will have room for both rest and art.

From:

dine

overwork plus the state of the world are plenty of reason to be stressed. you don't exist solely to be 'helpful' to others - maybe when you're floundering, some can step up and be helpful to you. when you can, let people listen, bring you tea, or distract you for five minutes so you can catch your breath, and do whatever elf-care stuff works best for you, and be assured you deserve it

[list of at least a half dozen people] can just go diaf. your thoughts are not useless, and you deserve a voice as much as anyone.

and there's definitely a place in fandom for you! whether or not you finish the novel, you're here, and part of the community

From:

rushthatspeaks

The thing I say to myself when I feel this way might be helpful to you, or at least, I hope so. Here it is.

So: You survived the entire Trump administration. All of it. Sure, some of that was luck. But that doesn't mean it isn't an accomplishment, doesn't mean it wasn't hard, doesn't mean it was an inevitable outcome; the Trump administration tried very hard to kill everyone I love, and succeeded with several, and I don't blame the one or two who chose to leave, because it was a catastrophe, a slow-motion apocalypse and the ramifications are nowhere near over. But we got through. Times are still hard, war is here, the pandemic is raging, but you and I outlasted that particular motherfucker, and I find that reassuring on the worse days. About that, we can feel proud, and triumphant.

From:

cmcmck

Don't apologise.

As a historian and a squaddy's daughter, I've been too involved with serious military intelligence websites to want to share the horrors I'm finding there with anyone.

From:

amaebi

Looking at this again, I suddenly remembered the historical value of weather diaries. Dimly remembering one by a minor German nobleman that recorded nothing *but* weather, and how useful people found it, I had a brief search. Coming up with a Lewis and Clark expedition weather diary, I thought, "Good example enough."

From:

sabotabby

This is such a mood. I worry that someone will find my blog and take it as "nothing important happened today" when the world was falling apart and I was concerned about work and my constellation of health issues and my stupid book.

From:

princessofgeeks

Fandom certainly does have a place for girls like you. Your commentariat proves that.

HUGS

From:

asakiyume

I totally understand your not commenting on current events, and I also totally understand your feeling a sort of guilt over it--especially in the context of future historians! When I'm not commenting on current events, I feel like I'm letting the current generation down, like historians would/will look at my journal and be filled with scorn. --Or I used to feel that way. These days, I don't. I have this sense that I keep on trying to articulate when given an opportunity (like now!) of all the roles that all our voices play (and not just our voices but our lives), and how much meaning they all have, even when they're not singing about current events. Ecosystems need ALL of it. They really do.

I hope things improve for you and the job stops being the way it's been this past while :(

From:

anna_wing

Fandom is global, and therefore very large. One person is very small. It is highly unlikely that there would not be a place for that one person, somewhere. Therefore you need not worry about that particular issue.

Edited Date: 2022-03-09 02:17 pm (UTC)

From:

lemonsharks

Pretty much. Even most of the Russian Oligarchs are like, "Vlad. Vlad. Vlad. VLADIMIR VLADIMIROVICH THIS IS A TERRIBLE IDEA."

So I dropped $20 in the doctors without borders Ukraine bucket because they're going to need it once the conflict finishes, however it finishes.

If I spoke Russian or Ukrainian and had a steady income and house with more than one room I'd start the process to host refugees but I don't and I really, really hate feeling powerless.

The thing we can lean on right now is that Putin is of the generation that remembers exactly what a shitshow Chernobyl was and is hopefully still savvy enough to not ~~start a nuclear war in eastern europe's breadbasket~~ piss upstream of his own water supply.

(I have retired my apocalypse bingo card because it's not funny anymore. Trouble In The Suez 2021 was funny. This is not funny.)

From:

darkmarcy

I find it ironic that the US states' recent Don't Say Gay idiocies are... Not that different from Putin's antigay laws :')

On the other hand, countries with no border w/Russia do well being quiet, I have seen too many bad takes by people who have no idea what it's like to live next to that drunken bear of a country, or don't know about European countries' history nor current state. (Anyone who calls this "a justified denazification" is a victim of propaganda.)

You are a delight and in a stressing situation right now, but you will create again, you will craft with words again. But for now if all you can muster up is to breathe and hopefully sleep and eat, that's enough.

From:

petra

I feel very strongly that you are not responsible for cataloguing and responding to all the things that happen in the world. You have to respond to all the things in your life, but stuff that happens to other people is proverbially Someone Else's Problem, especially when you're already struggling.

*hugs* Please don't expect things of yourself that you don't realistically expect of other people.

From:

stranger

You are an amazing person, who deserves space and time to recover from illness. You have friends (many more than half a dozen) who care for you.
The way you write, your communication just as it is, is a contribution to the world that's the next essential after survival. You deserve to tell all your stories and thoughts.

From:

contrarywise

I'm pretty sure that posterity will forgive you for not being more topical. And in the meantime, here I am joining the "that list of at least a half dozen people can fuck right off" chorus already in progress and sending you many hugs.

There's plenty to be bummed about in this world, my belle, and you're getting a larger load of crapola than you deserve. I hope that load is lightened soon.

From:

oracne

I'm so sorry. I hope it helps that we are listening.

From:

med_cat

*Hugs*

I think there are enough chroniclers of all sorts out there...I haven't posted about the current events either; I have too much to say, and I doubt too many people would find it of interest

Hope you can find a better job soon

*more hugs*

From:

amberdreams

The world is such an ugly place at the moment, I think 99% of us share your frustrations and feelings of helpless rage - it's exhausting! And means we absolutely must keep on expressing ourselves and creating while we can. You have a place, and a right to your voice, of course you do!