Enkiri Enoki in Itabashi City, Japan
Mar. 13th, 2026 10:00 am![[syndicated profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/feed.png){kind=small}
atlas_obscura_places_feed
Japan is the a country filled with shrines dedicated to various things and entities. Some are big, and others as small as a single sign. But very few are run by vending machines.
The Enkiri Enoki shrine is dedicated to an ancient tree from the Eddo period which is said to help with the breaking of bad relationships and the beginning of new ones. This makes it a popular spot with people who want help with their relationship, and also alcoholics who want to stop drinking. However, the place is too small for round the clock shrine keepers, and thus an alternative was found; vending machines.
There are two of them on it's small premise. A large machine that sells 'Ema' planks which are used to write down your wish, and a smaller 'gachapong' machine which dispenses blessed charms for those who wish to cary them. This unique system makes the temple easy to use with minimal upkeep from priests.
koel
Mar. 13th, 2026 07:23 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
prettygoodwordkoel (KOH-uhl) - n., any of several long-tail cuckoos (genus Eudynamys) of south-and-southeast Asia, the East Indies, and Australia.
Thanks, WikiMedia!
Exact taxonomy is still under debate, but call it a handful of species with numerous subspecies. Like other cuckoos, they are parasitic, laying eggs in the nests of other birds to be raised by them. The name is from Hindi koyal, from Sanskrit kokila, after the bird's call.
---L.
Thanks, WikiMedia!
Exact taxonomy is still under debate, but call it a handful of species with numerous subspecies. Like other cuckoos, they are parasitic, laying eggs in the nests of other birds to be raised by them. The name is from Hindi koyal, from Sanskrit kokila, after the bird's call.
---L.
black bean confetti salad 2.0
Mar. 13th, 2026 12:38 pmsmittenkitchen_feed
Paint manufacture, storage and transport in Napoleonic Europe
Mar. 13th, 2026 10:05 pmhyarrowen posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
little_detailsFor large-scale projects, specifically for ships. All my ship-related resources for the era are for the British Navy, and books on colour that I've read have been on artists' paints or dyes.
How would a French Imperial Navy vessel be painted, not at one of the big shipyards? Would it be mixed up on site from raw ingredients, or bought in? Would there be barrels, buckets with lids, cannisters, vats or what - and what would the paint be made of?
Searching online produces info on painting scale models, or contemporary pictures of ships. I found a chapter on ship decoration in Conway's History of the Ship: The Line of Battle but that doesn't have the early-in-the-process details I want. I found an article on the pre-Revolutionary Navy in the International Journal of Maritime History, by David Plouviez, that's too early and still doesn't cover paint.
Thank-you in advance.
How would a French Imperial Navy vessel be painted, not at one of the big shipyards? Would it be mixed up on site from raw ingredients, or bought in? Would there be barrels, buckets with lids, cannisters, vats or what - and what would the paint be made of?
Searching online produces info on painting scale models, or contemporary pictures of ships. I found a chapter on ship decoration in Conway's History of the Ship: The Line of Battle but that doesn't have the early-in-the-process details I want. I found an article on the pre-Revolutionary Navy in the International Journal of Maritime History, by David Plouviez, that's too early and still doesn't cover paint.
Thank-you in advance.
podcast friday
Mar. 13th, 2026 07:26 amsabotabby Let's take a little break from reality and talk about romantasy! Escapist tales of fucking fairies and immortal elves and nothing to do with politics whatsoever, right?
Okay you know whose blog you're reading here. Two new-to-me podcasts with great names, Ordinary Unhappiness and In Bed With the Right, did a crossover episode, "Romantasy, Fantasy, and Trauma." For someone who has never read a romantasy (but read a lot of the precursors) I'm kind of obsessed with it as a genre and even more obsessed with the discourse around it.
Disregarding the people whose opinions I don't care about, there are kind of two opposing takes on its appeal.
This is a fundamentally conservative genre that encourages women to become tradwives and relish in our own oppression.
This is actually a liberatory genre that allows women to explore their fantasies and traumas.
I don't think either side is fully right or wrong here, and that tension is worth exploring. This episode starts from two positions that many critics and admirers of the genre neglect: That women have agency, and that not everything women like is inherently feminist. From there it looks at where the romantasy boom came from, what its appeal is, and what it says about the psychology of its readers. I came away without a spicy take beyond that it turns out that a lot of the stories I wrote and never showed anyone when I was in my teens and twenties actually fit pretty neatly into the genre, which means that either BookTok girlies and I read a lot of the same books growing up, or there's something very deep in our culture that it speaks to, such that we reproduce the tropes unthinkingly.
I also find it interesting (not really discussed on this episode) that for all that the romance formula is reified into tropes and beats and commercial genre fiction is expected to at least somewhat engage with word counts and structure, romantasy really does appear to be an exception, and you can still write and sell stupidly long books in which nothing much happens, and no one complains about it. Dear Publishing Industry: Another world is possible.
Okay you know whose blog you're reading here. Two new-to-me podcasts with great names, Ordinary Unhappiness and In Bed With the Right, did a crossover episode, "Romantasy, Fantasy, and Trauma." For someone who has never read a romantasy (but read a lot of the precursors) I'm kind of obsessed with it as a genre and even more obsessed with the discourse around it.
Disregarding the people whose opinions I don't care about, there are kind of two opposing takes on its appeal.
This is a fundamentally conservative genre that encourages women to become tradwives and relish in our own oppression.
This is actually a liberatory genre that allows women to explore their fantasies and traumas.
I don't think either side is fully right or wrong here, and that tension is worth exploring. This episode starts from two positions that many critics and admirers of the genre neglect: That women have agency, and that not everything women like is inherently feminist. From there it looks at where the romantasy boom came from, what its appeal is, and what it says about the psychology of its readers. I came away without a spicy take beyond that it turns out that a lot of the stories I wrote and never showed anyone when I was in my teens and twenties actually fit pretty neatly into the genre, which means that either BookTok girlies and I read a lot of the same books growing up, or there's something very deep in our culture that it speaks to, such that we reproduce the tropes unthinkingly.
I also find it interesting (not really discussed on this episode) that for all that the romance formula is reified into tropes and beats and commercial genre fiction is expected to at least somewhat engage with word counts and structure, romantasy really does appear to be an exception, and you can still write and sell stupidly long books in which nothing much happens, and no one complains about it. Dear Publishing Industry: Another world is possible.
Just One Thing (13 March 2026)
Mar. 13th, 2026 08:01 amnanila posting in awesomeersIt's challenge time!
Comment with Just One Thing you've accomplished in the last 24 hours or so. It doesn't have to be a hard thing, or even a thing that you think is particularly awesome. Just a thing that you did.
Feel free to share more than one thing if you're feeling particularly accomplished! Extra credit: find someone in the comments and give them props for what they achieved!
Nothing is too big, too small, too strange or too cryptic. And in case you'd rather do this in private, anonymous comments are screened. I will only unscreen if you ask me to.
Go!
Comment with Just One Thing you've accomplished in the last 24 hours or so. It doesn't have to be a hard thing, or even a thing that you think is particularly awesome. Just a thing that you did.
Feel free to share more than one thing if you're feeling particularly accomplished! Extra credit: find someone in the comments and give them props for what they achieved!
Nothing is too big, too small, too strange or too cryptic. And in case you'd rather do this in private, anonymous comments are screened. I will only unscreen if you ask me to.
Go!
Ilya's Tattoo - for challenge #76
Mar. 13th, 2026 08:45 pmmific posting in drawesomeTitle: Ilya's Tattoo on AO3
Artist:mific
Rating: Gen
Fandom: Heated Rivalry
Characters/Pairings: Shane Hollander
Notes: No warnings apply. Made in Procreate for the tattoo-style art challenge. The first of a pair.
Artist:
mificRating: Gen
Fandom: Heated Rivalry
Characters/Pairings: Shane Hollander
Notes: No warnings apply. Made in Procreate for the tattoo-style art challenge. The first of a pair.
immure
Mar. 13th, 2026 01:00 ammerriamwebster_feedMerriam-Webster's Word of the Day for March 13, 2026 is:
immure • \ih-MYOOR\ • verb
To immure something is to enclose it within or as if within walls. Immure is also sometimes used synonymously with imprison.
// Scientists at the research station in Antarctica are immured by the frozen wild that surrounds them.
Examples:
"The Torlonia collection, which Alessandro Torlonia moved into a private museum in Rome in 1875, went into hiding in the early 1940s. ... Disputes among family members and with the government left the marbles hidden away, gathering dust and grime. For all those years scholars had to beg and bribe to get in. One government official, desperate to see what gems the Torlonia prince had immured, resorted to dressing up as a cleaner." — Jason Farago, The New York Times, 16 Apr. 2025
Did you know?
Like mural, immure comes from murus, a Latin noun meaning "wall." Immure came to English by way of the Medieval Latin verb immurare, formed from murus and the prefix in- (meaning "in" or "within"). Immure, which first appeared in English in the late 16th century, literally means "to wall in" or "to enclose with a wall," but it has extended meanings as well. In addition to senses meaning "to imprison" and "to entomb," the word sometimes has broader applications, essentially meaning "to shut in" or "to confine." One might remark, for example, that a very studious acquaintance spends most of her time "immured in the library."
(no subject)
Mar. 13th, 2026 12:51 amjadelennox posting in poetryWhen despair for the world grows in me
and I wake in the night at the least sound
in fear of what my life and my children’s lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake
rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
of grief. I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting with their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.
and I wake in the night at the least sound
in fear of what my life and my children’s lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake
rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
of grief. I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting with their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.
2026 Signups Open!
Mar. 12th, 2026 05:37 pmmimihylea posting in worldbuildexLinks:
Tagset
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Rules
Mod Contact: worldbuildmod@gmail.com
Signups are now open! They will close on Saturday March 21 9pm EDT (Countdown)
Listing likes and/or prompts in your optional details (or in a linked letter) is encouraged but optional.
The boundary between "Fanfiction" and "In-Universe Media" is intentionally somewhat fuzzy: if you are signing up to receive one but not the other and have strong preferences about which side of that boundary you would like your gift to be on, or certain types of media you do not want to receive, please make that clear in your optional details.
Still have questions? Comment here (comments will be publicly visible) or email us at worldbuildmod@gmail.com.
Tagset
Collection
Rules
Mod Contact: worldbuildmod@gmail.com
Signups are now open! They will close on Saturday March 21 9pm EDT (Countdown)
In the tag set, some fandoms you are familiar with may be classified under "Uncategorized Fandoms" - don't forget to check there for fandoms you may be interested in.
Please read the sign-up instructions here!
Key reminders:
You must request at least three and offer at least four distinct fandoms, defined as fandoms that do not share an "All Media Types" or similar franchise parent or metatag. You're welcome to request multiple subsets of the fandom (or the same fandom more than once) as long as your signup overall meets those minimums.
You will be matched on one (or more) character tags, one (or more) worldbuilding elements, and one (or more) medium type. Please ensure that for each of your requests and offers, you are happy matching on any combination of your selected tags across those categories!
Please state any "Do Not Wants" ("DNWs") in the AO3 optional details box for each request, or include a statement that you have no DNWs. DNWs should be clear, neutrally phrased, not contradict any of your requests, and not box your creator into creating one very specific type of fanwork.
Key reminders:
You must request at least three and offer at least four distinct fandoms, defined as fandoms that do not share an "All Media Types" or similar franchise parent or metatag. You're welcome to request multiple subsets of the fandom (or the same fandom more than once) as long as your signup overall meets those minimums.
You will be matched on one (or more) character tags, one (or more) worldbuilding elements, and one (or more) medium type. Please ensure that for each of your requests and offers, you are happy matching on any combination of your selected tags across those categories!
Please state any "Do Not Wants" ("DNWs") in the AO3 optional details box for each request, or include a statement that you have no DNWs. DNWs should be clear, neutrally phrased, not contradict any of your requests, and not box your creator into creating one very specific type of fanwork.
Listing likes and/or prompts in your optional details (or in a linked letter) is encouraged but optional.
The boundary between "Fanfiction" and "In-Universe Media" is intentionally somewhat fuzzy: if you are signing up to receive one but not the other and have strong preferences about which side of that boundary you would like your gift to be on, or certain types of media you do not want to receive, please make that clear in your optional details.
Still have questions? Comment here (comments will be publicly visible) or email us at worldbuildmod@gmail.com.
3 Things
Mar. 12th, 2026 08:41 pmlunabee34I have missed you all, so I've eased myself back into DW by starting to comment on everyone's journals again, and now I thought I'd try my hand at posting again.
1. I've been reading Hobbit fanfic ever since we watched the movies with Fi for the first time over Thanksgiving break, and I'm thoroughly enjoying myself. I can't tell what's fanon and what's canon, though (or from whence it comes if canon). Like, Thorin's sister must be named Dis because everybody calls her that, even though I don't remember that information being in The Hobbit or the trilogy. But I see a variety of names for her husband, which tells me that information isn't included anywhere. Also, there's such a broad swathe of what is probably fanon that seems to appear in every story: that the Ri brothers all have different dads, that Dori is extraordinarily fussy and into tea and etiquette, and etc. I wonder who was the originator of a lot of these ideas.
2. Have some Hobbit recs:
Mr. and Mrs. Baggins by LullabyKnell
Turns out Bilbo and Lobelia have more in common than they thought. They get married about it.
Of Risks and Rewards by Bgtea
Kili/Fili
After BOTFA, Fíli can sense the growing separation between him and Kíli, but he is at a loss as to how he could even begin to rebuild the close relationship they once had. It is just his bad luck that fate is about to throw several more wrenches into his life in the form of suitors.
A Mixture of Madness series by Salvia_G
In which sexual mores are quite different for dwarves. Here be lots of super hot dwarf sex.
3. I have pretty much quit reading Stranger Things fic, but have the last few recs I have in open tabs:
and it all comes down to you by skoosiepants
SGA/ST fusion
The one where Eddie and Steve are soulmates in space!!
A Kiss with a Fist by Sablesea
Steve/Dustin
In the immediate aftermath of the final battle.
Tempus Fugit by Fuuma
Eddie/Dustin
Post-season 4 where Eddie lives.
A Catalog of Non-Definitive Acts series by KidA_666
Steve/Jonathan
Tommy Hagan gets taken instead of Barbara.
1. I've been reading Hobbit fanfic ever since we watched the movies with Fi for the first time over Thanksgiving break, and I'm thoroughly enjoying myself. I can't tell what's fanon and what's canon, though (or from whence it comes if canon). Like, Thorin's sister must be named Dis because everybody calls her that, even though I don't remember that information being in The Hobbit or the trilogy. But I see a variety of names for her husband, which tells me that information isn't included anywhere. Also, there's such a broad swathe of what is probably fanon that seems to appear in every story: that the Ri brothers all have different dads, that Dori is extraordinarily fussy and into tea and etiquette, and etc. I wonder who was the originator of a lot of these ideas.
2. Have some Hobbit recs:
Mr. and Mrs. Baggins by LullabyKnell
Turns out Bilbo and Lobelia have more in common than they thought. They get married about it.
Of Risks and Rewards by Bgtea
Kili/Fili
After BOTFA, Fíli can sense the growing separation between him and Kíli, but he is at a loss as to how he could even begin to rebuild the close relationship they once had. It is just his bad luck that fate is about to throw several more wrenches into his life in the form of suitors.
A Mixture of Madness series by Salvia_G
In which sexual mores are quite different for dwarves. Here be lots of super hot dwarf sex.
3. I have pretty much quit reading Stranger Things fic, but have the last few recs I have in open tabs:
and it all comes down to you by skoosiepants
SGA/ST fusion
The one where Eddie and Steve are soulmates in space!!
A Kiss with a Fist by Sablesea
Steve/Dustin
In the immediate aftermath of the final battle.
Tempus Fugit by Fuuma
Eddie/Dustin
Post-season 4 where Eddie lives.
A Catalog of Non-Definitive Acts series by KidA_666
Steve/Jonathan
Tommy Hagan gets taken instead of Barbara.
Care and Feeding: Parenting While Sick
Mar. 12th, 2026 04:40 pmcereta posting in agonyauntDear Care and Feeding,
I’m a stay-at-home mom, and my husband works outside the home. We have three kids and obviously we all sometimes get sick. However, for some reason (*cough* I wash my hands and he doesn’t *cough*) I usually seem to get a much milder case of whatever bug we’re all dealing with than my husband, or sometimes don’t get it at all, leaving me to care for sick kids without any help. I know I should be grateful that I don’t usually get as sick, but being under the weather and nursing sick babies while my husband sleeps all day is hard. I usually end up completely run down, exhausted, and sometimes even depressed.
Recently, we all got the flu, and this time I did get it pretty bad. My husband was still recovering, and the baby was still sick so my mom had to come stay with us for a while … and then she got it. My husband and I talked after we were all healthy about how we could better handle a house full of sick people and, uncharacteristically, we didn’t come to a great resolution. I’m tired of not being able to get significant rest time when I’m ill and being on my own with sick kids, so I think we should rely on help from family more and also that my husband should accept that being sick as a parent isn’t the same as being sick without kids. I asked him to really consider what help he could offer me while he’s sick and volunteer it more. I also admitted that I should do a better job of asking him to work from home occasionally when I need to recover from being sick. He agreed on the last point but didn’t accept either of the first two: He thinks it’s out of line to ask family to come help us and get sick themselves and isn’t willing to commit himself to doing more when he is sick. We’re all healthy now but I’m sure the next virus is just around the corner, so who is right? How do you fairly split the work when everyone doesn’t feel good?
—We’re Not at Our Best
Dear WNaOB,
I am always thrilled to hear anyone is out there, washing their hands, which is one of the best forms of preventive “medicine” we have. This may indeed help account for the times you manage to avoid the bug entirely but can have no possible relationship to the times you just have milder symptoms than your less fortunate family members.
Every illness is different. So is what “doing more” can mean. I’m glad you are on the same page about him working from home more frequently while you are recovering; I am not sure why it hinges on you asking as opposed to him making the decision based on the situation, but if that’s what it takes, fine.
On the family question, I’m torn. I would not ask an older relative to risk the seasonal flu, if at all possible. For minor bugs, if you are extremely honest that you are floundering and need a second pair of hands and that those hands may wind up catching whatever illness the family has, people can make their own informed decision about helping.
Sometimes everyone is sick at once. One of the worst parts of being a parent is not being able to retreat to the couch with a Gatorade, regardless of how terrible you feel, because a child needs you to hold their hair back or heat up some soup. It’s a good time to rely on food delivery for a short period (if anyone actually feels like eating), and I recommend having basic sickness prep ready to roll (children’s cold medicine to bring down fevers and help with sleep, Pedialyte, extra mattress protectors under extra fresh sheets so you can just yank off the soiled top set and have a pre-made bed ready to go, etc.)
You and your husband are not going to solve for all time the “but I’M sicker when I’m sick” argument. You do need to ask for what you need and to be specific with what those needs are. “Can you please switch the laundry to the dryer? Can you load the dishwasher? Can you bring home saltines and ginger ale?” It seems as though communication in your household has become contentious and now carries the weight of grievances from Ghosts of Seasonal Flu Past. He thinks you’re telling him he’s a malingerer, you’re drowning in gross tissues, etc. Please try to strip emotion out of these interactions whenever possible. Fake it like you’re on a team until you’re actually on a team here.
Also, I hesitate to tell a grown man to wash his hands during cold and flu season, but if he hasn’t grasped the repeated and unpleasant cause and effect at play here, you have my permission to tell him a professional advice columnist thinks he’s being a real tool.
I’m a stay-at-home mom, and my husband works outside the home. We have three kids and obviously we all sometimes get sick. However, for some reason (*cough* I wash my hands and he doesn’t *cough*) I usually seem to get a much milder case of whatever bug we’re all dealing with than my husband, or sometimes don’t get it at all, leaving me to care for sick kids without any help. I know I should be grateful that I don’t usually get as sick, but being under the weather and nursing sick babies while my husband sleeps all day is hard. I usually end up completely run down, exhausted, and sometimes even depressed.
Recently, we all got the flu, and this time I did get it pretty bad. My husband was still recovering, and the baby was still sick so my mom had to come stay with us for a while … and then she got it. My husband and I talked after we were all healthy about how we could better handle a house full of sick people and, uncharacteristically, we didn’t come to a great resolution. I’m tired of not being able to get significant rest time when I’m ill and being on my own with sick kids, so I think we should rely on help from family more and also that my husband should accept that being sick as a parent isn’t the same as being sick without kids. I asked him to really consider what help he could offer me while he’s sick and volunteer it more. I also admitted that I should do a better job of asking him to work from home occasionally when I need to recover from being sick. He agreed on the last point but didn’t accept either of the first two: He thinks it’s out of line to ask family to come help us and get sick themselves and isn’t willing to commit himself to doing more when he is sick. We’re all healthy now but I’m sure the next virus is just around the corner, so who is right? How do you fairly split the work when everyone doesn’t feel good?
—We’re Not at Our Best
Dear WNaOB,
I am always thrilled to hear anyone is out there, washing their hands, which is one of the best forms of preventive “medicine” we have. This may indeed help account for the times you manage to avoid the bug entirely but can have no possible relationship to the times you just have milder symptoms than your less fortunate family members.
Every illness is different. So is what “doing more” can mean. I’m glad you are on the same page about him working from home more frequently while you are recovering; I am not sure why it hinges on you asking as opposed to him making the decision based on the situation, but if that’s what it takes, fine.
On the family question, I’m torn. I would not ask an older relative to risk the seasonal flu, if at all possible. For minor bugs, if you are extremely honest that you are floundering and need a second pair of hands and that those hands may wind up catching whatever illness the family has, people can make their own informed decision about helping.
Sometimes everyone is sick at once. One of the worst parts of being a parent is not being able to retreat to the couch with a Gatorade, regardless of how terrible you feel, because a child needs you to hold their hair back or heat up some soup. It’s a good time to rely on food delivery for a short period (if anyone actually feels like eating), and I recommend having basic sickness prep ready to roll (children’s cold medicine to bring down fevers and help with sleep, Pedialyte, extra mattress protectors under extra fresh sheets so you can just yank off the soiled top set and have a pre-made bed ready to go, etc.)
You and your husband are not going to solve for all time the “but I’M sicker when I’m sick” argument. You do need to ask for what you need and to be specific with what those needs are. “Can you please switch the laundry to the dryer? Can you load the dishwasher? Can you bring home saltines and ginger ale?” It seems as though communication in your household has become contentious and now carries the weight of grievances from Ghosts of Seasonal Flu Past. He thinks you’re telling him he’s a malingerer, you’re drowning in gross tissues, etc. Please try to strip emotion out of these interactions whenever possible. Fake it like you’re on a team until you’re actually on a team here.
Also, I hesitate to tell a grown man to wash his hands during cold and flu season, but if he hasn’t grasped the repeated and unpleasant cause and effect at play here, you have my permission to tell him a professional advice columnist thinks he’s being a real tool.
She's got a common full of love
Mar. 12th, 2026 05:11 pmsovayIt is the dozenth birthday of Hestia Hermia Linsky-Noyes, lhude sing meaw! We sang to her after midnight. She ate eagerly of her festive ham. She has spent the afternoon in the pursuit of Bird Theater. I remember her brother under that same light. Bast smiled when our cats were born.
How To Do It: I Pretended To Be Gay To A Female Friend.
Mar. 12th, 2026 04:07 pmcereta posting in agonyauntDear How to Do It,
I made a mistake. I have been very close with my friend, who’s a woman, for the past three years. I am a man, and for the most part, I’ve been able to convince her that I am gay.
At first, I just yearned for the platonic affection that only a woman can offer; nothing obscene. But now … I am enticed by her smooth skin and curves. I’ve seen her naked several times, and she’s always felt safe around me because she thinks I am gay. How can I proposition her so that she’ll forget all about my so-called gayness? Should I pretend to be bisexual? HELP!
—Cross My Heart and Hope to Die
Dear Cross My Heart and Hope to Die,
Did you consult with any media before deciding to pursue opportunistic identity impersonation? With icing on her face, Mrs. Doubtfire would have shrieked at you, “Hell noooooo!” You have placed yourself in a farce that rarely works out as intended. You purposely deceived someone in order to make a connection, and now that you have that connection, you want more. Meanwhile, your friend will end up with less. It is safe to assume that her attachment to and comfort around you are predicated on your lie. You’re asking what to say to make her forget, as if I’m a wizard who’s been holding out on revealing a magic technique for mind-editing and not just some guy sitting on his couch in Brooklyn.
Here are your options: Keep up the deception and forget any kind of romantic pursuit because to her, you are as good as gay. You will have to keep up this deception for the rest of your life and/or friendship (whichever ends first), which seems exhausting and doomed to fail. Or you can come clean and hope that she is already in love with you and has been secretly wishing that you would just turn straight already. Unless she is under love’s spell, she is likely to be angry when she finds out that you have deceived her. Since your relationship is built on a lie, you can expect the relationship to collapse once the lie is dismantled. I don’t think there’s any way around that, but at least now you know what not to do next time.
I made a mistake. I have been very close with my friend, who’s a woman, for the past three years. I am a man, and for the most part, I’ve been able to convince her that I am gay.
At first, I just yearned for the platonic affection that only a woman can offer; nothing obscene. But now … I am enticed by her smooth skin and curves. I’ve seen her naked several times, and she’s always felt safe around me because she thinks I am gay. How can I proposition her so that she’ll forget all about my so-called gayness? Should I pretend to be bisexual? HELP!
—Cross My Heart and Hope to Die
Dear Cross My Heart and Hope to Die,
Did you consult with any media before deciding to pursue opportunistic identity impersonation? With icing on her face, Mrs. Doubtfire would have shrieked at you, “Hell noooooo!” You have placed yourself in a farce that rarely works out as intended. You purposely deceived someone in order to make a connection, and now that you have that connection, you want more. Meanwhile, your friend will end up with less. It is safe to assume that her attachment to and comfort around you are predicated on your lie. You’re asking what to say to make her forget, as if I’m a wizard who’s been holding out on revealing a magic technique for mind-editing and not just some guy sitting on his couch in Brooklyn.
Here are your options: Keep up the deception and forget any kind of romantic pursuit because to her, you are as good as gay. You will have to keep up this deception for the rest of your life and/or friendship (whichever ends first), which seems exhausting and doomed to fail. Or you can come clean and hope that she is already in love with you and has been secretly wishing that you would just turn straight already. Unless she is under love’s spell, she is likely to be angry when she finds out that you have deceived her. Since your relationship is built on a lie, you can expect the relationship to collapse once the lie is dismantled. I don’t think there’s any way around that, but at least now you know what not to do next time.