A question I don't know how to ask

[minoanmiss]

Remember my and WD's friend WG who died in late March?

WD and I have not heard from his spouses since, and my Google searches have turned up empty. How on earth do I tactfully ask them if they had his funeral yet?

Comments

[batdina]

"I would love to honour _________ in some way. Are you planning a place where I might do that? Or shall I find a way to do that on my own?"

[redbird]

I like this phrasing. It's possible that his spouses are overwhelmed and haven't made plans. When my sister-by-choice died, her sister Helen organized a memorial at the family's church in New York, and I put together something in Seattle, weeks after she died. Her widower was overwhelmed by life and grief, and there was no way he could have taken it on.

[rafiwinters]

I agree, that's well phrased.

[minoanmiss]

OMG, thank you so much!

[batdina]

You're very welcome. Glad I could help.

[lunabee34]

Perfect!

[acelightning2]

Talk to other relatives, because they may be the ones handling the arrangements. Just find as many people as you can who knew the dearly departed, and ask what they know.

[bikergeek]

Our overlapping friend circles are, sadly, limited to the rest of his polycule. The rest of the biological family that I know about is limited to a sister and brother-in-law in Maine.

[acelightning2]

Well, see if you can figure out who needs to be informed. Both of you are smart people, and I suspect you'll find some way to get the news to those who need it.

[teenybuffalo]

I struggle with conversations like this. But ultimately I think it'd be fine to just ask directly if they've held a funeral. You loved him, you want to do right by his memory, that's a reasonable thing to wonder. I hope it goes well.