Excuse Needed

[minoanmiss]

My aunt invited me to my cousin's wedding.

I like this aunt, actually. But not enough to fly to another country or to subject myself to the TSA (I can just imagine the reaction to teh assortment of little bottles that makes up my Scleral Lens Wear and Care Kit).

So I need an excuse that I don't mind getting back to my parents. Please help me.

Prizes given for 1) most useable and 2) most hilarious.

Comments

[redbird]

So, we should brainstorm what your unbreakable previous engagement is. A friend's (nonexistent) wedding in which you have agreed to be a bridesmaid?

[minoanmiss]

Alas, nothing so complicated. Anything I say to my aunt may get back to my parents, who will then demand an explanation want to discuss it ith me.

[musesfool]

Still too new at the job to get time off/afford the flight?

[bikergeek]

Great minds think alike, it would appear. :)

[princessofgeeks]

This is what I was thinking. It's also probably true.

[julian]

Yeah, combo, because otherwise they'd offer to Help With Money.

[minoanmiss]

Woot woot thank you!

Your Prize

[minoanmiss]

[cellio]

Perfect. Should block all the attempts to work around -- even if they make the cost not a problem somehow (never mind that this would put you in their debt in their eyes), they can't control your employer nor interfere with your job.

[bikergeek]

I don't think the TSA will care about your little bottles as long as they all fit in the appropriate sized baggie. That said, I get that you just plain don't wanna, and that should be excuse enough in itself.

"As you know (Bob), I just started a new job and can't take time off."

"As you know, R's cat Cheese passed on some while ago. R and S and I are roadtripping to check out a friend's cat that needs a new home and see whether it likes us."

When's the wedding? Short enough notice and you can plead that air fares are unaffordable.

[minoanmiss]

smooch Time off issues + Unaffordable Fares should do it.

Your Prize

[minoanmiss]

[amaebi]

“Ah, would that I could! But alas, my beloved budgie has a hernia, and I cannot leave him.”

[minoanmiss]

giggles

[adrian_turtle]

Blame work. Your time off is so sadly limited, especially as it's a new job and they are relying on you. Even if it looks like you could plan it as a short trip, the airlines are so unreliable these days you have no way to be sure that bad weather or computer problems won't turn your 6-hour trip into 2 days of delay.

[minoanmiss]

AWESOMITUDE. Thank you!

[colorwheel]

tell them you're coming, and at the last minute dammit you're so sorry you came down with the flu.

[minoanmiss]

Alas, that risks wasting money on a plane ticket (especially if they insist on buying me one). Good thought though! My mother is unlikely to risk catching the flu from me. (She lives close enough to drive if she wants to. I don't want her to want to.)

[mific]

You can't fly because Gravity is your jealous boyfriend and he won't let you go. 😛

ETA: Your Prize

[minoanmiss]

BWEEE

[cmcmck]

Too pricey and much too far and you have a new job.

[minoanmiss]

Word.

[dissectionist]

You’ve been having intermittent IBS and are too terrified that the stresses of travel could turn your body into a ticking time-bomb, therefore resulting in a blowout at the wedding that nobody would ever forget. You don’t want their wedding to go down in history as Fecepalooza 2025.

[minoanmiss]

That would work if my family had any concept of boundaries. Unfortunately when my aunt reports back to her sister, my mother, THAT august personage will decide Her Poor Sick BAby Needs Her and drive 175 miles to come harass take care of me. (I seriously tell my parents nothing about my health, which is annoying when I'm developing things my father has like keratoconus, but necessary to deprive them of ammo. I didn't even tell them when I was hospitalized.)

[amaebi]

"Here's the problem. A local king bragged for *some* reason that I was more beautiful than the gods, and a sea serpent has been besieging his coast and devouring his people. I know I shouldn't, but I feel responsible, and a diagnostician has said that only by my sacrifice to the sea monster will the curse be ended. Unfortunately I will be being eaten the day of the wedding."

[minoanmiss]

LOL

[ororo]

I'd start with, "I"m sorry, it's just not possible." and see if you can repeat as needed. The other responses, like mentioned here could include, "I don't have the PTO accrued."

[minoanmiss]

The problem is that will make my parents curious (anything I tell my aunt will get back tto them). I'm definitely going ith the PTO explanation (it helps that it's true).

[med_cat]

Re: TSA, you know they've actually relaxed the rules somewhat, these days?

As to the excuse, the easiest and the most straightforward is, of course--"unfortunately, I cannot take time off work" etc.

[minoanmiss]

I still dont' want to tangle with the TSA when my vision is at risk, you know?

[lynnenne]

"Due to my internet activism and my recent purchase of an automatic weapon for killing everyone who pisses me off, the government has put me on the no-fly list."

Use only if your goal is to never get invited to another family gathering ever again.

[minoanmiss]

ROTFL

[mekare]

I'm really glad you already have some excellently useful and excellently funny contenders.

[acelightning73]

You've just tested postive for Covid.

[flamingsword]

It’s probably already handled, but for next time, if you’re still at this job and will have the PTO accrued,
• you’ll be taking care of a friend during their post-surgical convalescence, or
• you are doing a silent retreat with the local Buddhists (said to piss these folks off - bc they deserve it), or
• you’re going to be attending an orgy that night and you won’t have time to oil up your leather harnesses if you have to attend a wedding/funeral/graduation during the day (said to never be invited to anything again - honestly sounds like a decent option if these people tolerate your abusers).

Instead of you giving me a prize, howzabout I give you one?
https://www.quantamagazine.org/the-hidden-world-of-electrostatic-ecology-20240930/?ref=fixthenews.com
There are more senses than humans have, and some of them are good for small creatures to navigate the world with.

[minoanmiss]

ZOMG. I fell off my bed giggling. Telling my parents I am going to an orgy would be a spectacularly temptingly bad idea, hee.

Also, thank you so much for the electrostatic biology article! This is fascinating!

hugs you across the Internet